Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
