Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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