I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
