I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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