I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
