Will you blow on my dice?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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