So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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