we're making bets on your personal life
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
