we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
