I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
