She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
