so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
