I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
