$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
