I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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