forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
