whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
