if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
