Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
