I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
