Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
