I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
