You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just had sex on a roof
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
