I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
