Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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