i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
