So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
