I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
