My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
