What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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