Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
