when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
