well I can't set my house on fire every night
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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