that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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