It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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