I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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