meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
