Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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