I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
