i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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