He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
