my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
