I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
