Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It's blow job season.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
