Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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