How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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