I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
