So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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