All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
