Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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