She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
