oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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