I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
